[0:00:33]
Hello. I am so glad you clicked Play and are ready to dive into figuring out what you truly want from life. In some ways, I find this a strange thing to think about. Like, for years, well, actually pretty much my entire adult life, not knowing what I wanted was like, the one thing I knew. Even now, as I'm talking to you, I feel there's so much more to explore.

[0:01:06]
What has made me think more often lately is the extent to which we don't even know ourselves. As part of my development, and I guess now my job, I continue to listen to people who can help us discover what the fuck we want from life. Hopefully, I also translate information to you in a valuable way. And that's why for this episode, I first want to walk you through how important it is to do the hard work.

[0:01:30]
Then I'll give you a tip for how you can stay on your path. Lastly, I'll list a list of questions for you to ask yourself so you can dig deep and figure out what you want. I suggest, by the way, it's really helpful if you have a pen and paper ready to note down the questions. I don't expect you to answer them here because I'm not going to leave enough space between asking each one for you to answer them. I mean, you can pause and answer them, of course, as well, but I suggest you return to the questions when you have roughly 30 minutes to answer them.

[0:02:01]
And don't avoid answering them after listening to this podcast and then putting it off. I am happy to hold you accountable. By the way, just DM me on Instagram and I will be the one who follows up with you to see if you answer these questions. Okay, let's get back to it here, because it is weird to think about the fact that we don't even know ourselves well enough to just wake up and say, I want these things.

[0:02:27]
This is how I'm going to get them, and no one or thing is going to stop me. Because half of my life, more than half, I didn't even know this at all. I struggled with it all the freaking time because it's bloody hard. And figuring it out remains hard until you get to the other side. Well, at least that is what all the experts say. I'm in the middle, or for all I know, just outside the middle of the other side.

[0:02:53]
Every day, I have to remind myself why I do what I do, even on days when it hurts to think. In an interview, the author of a book called Can't Hurt Me David Gogans, he said, making hard your norm isn't always fun. It's not always meant to be fun. This is when you know you're trying hard. And let me tell you this, if you want to make a difference in your life, you have to put in the hard work. But when I heard this quote from him, I seriously I wanted to friggin cry.

[0:03:27]
Like, come the fuck on. Why is it so hard to figure ourselves out? US. Like the person we are, the one we live with every day in and day out. No matter how you might numb yourself or avoid, it remains hard until it doesn't. Until you work through your shit and come out free on the other side. Bliss, apparently. Pure bliss. Ask anyone who has lost, for instance, 50 pounds or more, David Gogans included. The guy who said that quote, lost over 100 pounds and transformed his entire life.

[0:04:03]
It was hard, but now they're reaping the rewards. All of these people. It's the same for getting to who you're truly meant to be. It means working through the tough stuff even when you don't want to. And while this show might sound like a Tony Robbins, the huge, huge guy with those massive hands in your face motivational speech, it really is the truth. It does suck, and it hurts. But what's the purpose of your life?

[0:04:30]
Is it to sit there eating yet another bag of chips and binge-watching Netflix? No. You are meant for so much more. And deep down, you know it. And I know it, too. You're not meant to be coasting or settling or working in a job you hate. You're meant to be enjoying your life, taking the trip you've always wanted to take. You're meant to be creating memories with your kids, showing them how to truly live life, and soak up every minute of it. To do that, you have to get to know yourself better. And it's hard. It requires daily commitment, even when you don't want to. And once you get to know yourself better, you can start figuring out what you want. And actually, you know what? You have the answers already.

[0:05:12]
It's a matter of just tapping into them. And that's what I'm going to help you with today. And I'm not saying I'm fully there yet. No way. I just know the difference from who I was to who I am now. And it is big. I was so, so unhappy before. Even if I never admitted it, I was I was a control freaking perfectionist. And if you ever want to stop someone from enjoying their life, put them and make them control everything. Or make them attempt to control everything.

[0:05:38]
But now I'm happier and I'm on a path that is aligned with me. It's still a roller coaster, but it's progress. And to me, progress is progress. And I can now visibly see the changes I've made. One thing that helps people to continue on their path to finding themselves is to think of a huge reward at the end. This is something that will help keep you on your path. Not a small reward, but a massively huge one.

[0:06:04]
And it might vary depending on your goal. For example, when I was trying for kids and I kept having failed pregnancy after failed pregnancy, my reward, if that's a word you can use for kids, was to become a mummy. So I poked myself with needles. All sorts of strangers looked up my hoohah with a light and I lost all sense of decency, really. And I didn't even need all that stuff in the end. But anyway, I had a goal and I had to work hard for it.

[0:06:35]
Maybe for you, it's to lose weight, so envision your perfect body weight and size. For someone else, it might be money. Think of a huge sum of money. But the trick with all of these rewards is to imagine how you'll feel when you get there. It's not to focus on things like, I'll be happier when I get X-Y-Z. Absolutely not. If you do this, you will never be happy. Think of the feeling and then feel that feeling.

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Take my baby example. I wanted to feel this enormous love that I'd heard all about when you become a mom. So instead of saying, I'll feel love when I become a mommy, I started to feel what that love might feel like. I didn't actually know, right, because I wasn't a mom, so I didn't actually know. But I started to imagine it. I started to feel it. I'd sit and imagine being a mom and I'd soak up what I felt in my body.

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The butterflies, the excitement, all of that stuff. Of course, I had no awareness whatsoever of the enormous amount of exhaustion I would feel. That was not in the picture at all, because I don't think anyone can prepare you for that. But I also don't think anyone can prepare you for the love that you feel for your child. And so I sat there and I would soak it up even before I was a mom. That was my reward. So when times got tough and I didn't want to move forward or jab myself with a syringe, yet on another day I'd return to this intense feeling. It reminded me of why I was doing what I was doing and it helped me move forward on my path to motherhood.

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And this is the tip I have for you, to keep you on your path when you have that reward and you can feel what it feels like to achieve that reward. It will keep you focused to take the next step. And there's an activity that you can do, which is the questions I'm going to give you if you're not sure of what it is that you even want. Like I was frigging clueless, like seriously clueless. And in some cases maybe you know something but you're afraid to say it out loud.

[0:08:40]
This is also great if you know what you want, but at the same time you feel there's something still missing. The exercise is called the Perfect day exercise. It's a visualization and journaling exercise. Yay, my journaling. That helps you get more clear on how you want to live your life. The thing is, once you figure out what you want, you also have to feel what the outcome will feel like for you. So you can return to that feeling time and time again. When things get hard, when you think it'll never happen and all hope is lost, you have to return to it. It's that feeling that will bring you back to your perfect day, to what inspires you and to who you want to be going forward.

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If you're afraid that someone will see what you write down to these questions, you know what? Burn the paper after. Just remember to sit with your answers long enough that you can create the feeling you want. Then each day yes, hard work every single day. Envision your perfect day and feel the feelings it creates. Five to ten minutes a day is all you need. Heck, I mean even 1 minute will do. Just feel the damn feelings when we feel a feeling and connect it to a memory. Because what you envision in your mind, if you feel it long enough, eventually your mind's going to think it's a memory.

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And when you connect it to a feeling, it lasts so much longer. And then eventually you start to behave in the way and you start to take steps towards that. Because that is what your brain thinks is actually happening. It's amazing what we can do with our brains. But you need to link it to that feeling. You need to sit in it and soak it up. Even on the hard days. If you have a pen and paper nearby, write these questions down.

[0:10:16]
Otherwise, listen again later. If you're out for a walk or driving your car, don't edit your answers when you write them. Please let the truth come out for you to see and feel. When you do, take time to answer these questions. Start with a few deep breaths. And then imagine money is not an issue. For each answer, tell yourself that money doesn't even exist. Then free. Write openly and honestly. Use your imagination to create your perfect day.

[0:10:47]
Designed entirely in your mind, free from limits and excuses. Your imagination is key to unlocking all you want. Think of your answers as actually happening. Now they're the answers to the question what do I want from my life? Once you have these answers, you can start looking at what steps are needed to get you there for everyone. This is different. Okay, enough with me going on and on here. Let's get to these questions.

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Okay, ready? Have your pen and paper. What time do you wake up on your perfect day? Take a look around your room. What's it look like? Are you alone or with someone? Describe that person or people. Maybe you have people with you. Do you have children or pets? I'm just thinking now I put children and pets on the same line. But you know what? For some people, their pets are their kids. My cat is like a kid to me, so who knows?

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Where do you live? What country do you live in? A house or an apartment? How big is it? Do you overlook something from your window? What's the weather like there? What do you do first thing in the morning? What do you do for work? Describe it. Use your imagination. Dig deep in there. What connects you? What do you love to do? If you can't think of something really specific, if you don't think like, oh, I want to be a web designer, or I want to write stories or something like that. Think of what you actually enjoy doing on a daily basis. Do you love just, like, talking to people?

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Do you love drawing something? Do you love just doing nails or cutting someone's hair, or just whatever, something that you actually think? Like, when I'm doing this, I really like it. Then write it down if you don't have something specific here. Next question. What's your workday look like? How many hours do you work? Are you working with other people? What kinds of people are they? These sorts of things you can think about when you're thinking about your workday. What type of people and what type of environment do you want to work in?

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What do you have for lunch? Who do you have lunch with? What do you do in your free time? Do you have a hobby? If you do, what is it? How do you feel when you're doing that hobby? Who do you have dinner with? Where do you sit to eat? What's it look like? Describe it in detail. Where you sit to eat, what's the table look like, the chair, what colours are around you, all of these things. Use your imagination. Dig really deep to get descriptive here.

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In every one of these answers, as much detail as you can give. What type of people do you surround yourself with? Again, describe them here. How do these people make you feel? Really? How do they make you feel? What do you talk with them about when you meet them for dinner? Where do you go? What do you wear? How does what you're wearing make you feel? Do you have any exciting plans coming up in this imaginary world?

[0:14:22]
Write them down. How do you feel knowing you are the one who has these plans? They're yours. Okay, so those are the questions to ask yourself to go through your perfect day exercise. You can Google the perfect day exercise. You'll probably find these questions or similar ones to these on the Internet if these ones didn't connect with you. But these types of questions are ones that get you visualizing what you really want. Because our imagination is like this amazing little toolbox we have in our minds to help us really see what it is that we want.

[0:14:58]
And after you finish answering these questions, when you have time to do it, be sure to sit with your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths and soak up the feelings this exercise created. How good does it feel to have this life that you're envisioning? You now have your answers to what you want. Maybe you don't have all of them, but you have some. You have answered something different here to what you are doing right now.

[0:15:26]
So you know where you need to take action one at a time. Glenn Doyle, the author of the book Untamed said, my way of life is to dare to imagine the truest, most beautiful life, family and world and to then conjure up the courage to make real what I have imagined. She also said discontent is the nagging of the imagination. Discontent is the evidence that your imagination has not given up on you. It is still pressing, swelling, trying to get your attention by whispering, not this.

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So maybe you feel far away from your answers and this could be frustrating. Just know that by taking action, you get closer to them. Just know that because you have at least one or two of those answers where you see something different in your life to what you have now. That is your starting point. You have that answer. Your imagination is different from mine and different from every person you have ever met. We will only imagine what is meant to be ours. We only imagine what is true to us and no one else.

[0:16:32]
If you want to discover what you're meant to do in this world, or how to live the happiest life or your version of a happy life, your imagination is your number one resource. It's your intuition's way of telling you what you truly want from your life because your intuition knows you best. The question is, are you willing to put in the hard work and the courage it takes to get there? If yes, go out and do one small thing each day that will take you closer to your perfect day.

[0:17:00]
I hope this show has helped you get closer to who you're meant to be. If you want my support in taking action toward making your imagination come to life, oh, how wonderful does that sound? Your imagination coming to life? It can happen. It can be real, what you imagine is meant to be real. But okay, if you want my support with it, you can sign up for a free consultation on my website@kylievanglder.com or DM me on Instagram @kylievangelder.

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Remember to share the show with other mamas who are in need of more. Thank you so much for spending your time with me and have a wonderful day.