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Hello and welcome to the show and what a show it is. Before we get started, I want to check in with you to see how you are doing, to see if there's anything I can do to make your life easier. What about the show? Is there a topic you want to hear more about? Because with your feedback, I can design the show to your needs and your preferences to offer you more support.

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Or maybe you're looking for something personal, but you're not sure if coaching is for you. I do have some time open, some spots open right now. So if you want a free chat to discuss how I can support you on a deeper level, please reach out to me on Instagram, at Kylie Van Gelder, or on my website, Kylievanglder.com, to see if we're the right fit for each other and to see what we can do together. Okay, but now back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting.

0:01:32
Increasing your confidence today. I mean, that's why you're here. And that is what I'm going to give you. I'm going to share three easy and quick ways you can do this. But first yes, there is always a first with a little explanation. Maybe you think, for example, that you're not a very confident person, or sometimes you're feeling low on the confidence scale. You might even think that you've never actually been confident.

0:01:58
I do want to point out that if you're feeling low on the confidence scale, sometimes that's actually I mean, people fluctuate on confidence up and down all the time. Even people who appear very confident, they run into situations that they're not confident in either. They just have tools that they use in order to help them out. And these are things that they have learned and what works for them. So this, what I'm offering you here today, are some things that you can use, too, for those moments when you feel not so confident, but also if you feel like you're not a very confident person, or if you feel like you never have been confident, these are things that you can use.

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And one thing with confidence is that it is already within you, even if you think it never has been. When you were born, you were born confident, plain and simple. You were born with the skills to interact with your world. And more recently, research shows that you were very capable of distinguishing between your likes and dislikes. Basically, from birth, you knew what you wanted back then, and you were not afraid to ask for it or scream for it either.

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Plus, you were like a sponge soaking up every little thing in your environment. You loved looking at yourself in a mirror. You loved being complimented. You loved it when people would interact with you and give you all of their attention. So if you're not feeling confident now, or if you think you've never had confidence, just know that confidence was your original state. It's how you're meant to be and a part of who you really are.

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You loved being the center of attention. Now, however, as a woman, you may shy away from attention and hope that someone else will be the main focus. You may even have a bag of excuses as to why you're having a good hair day or how cheap the dress is that receives so many compliments. You deflect the compliments. You're afraid of being noticed and seen, so it's easier to put the reason on an external factor.

0:03:55
This is often the case with those who have low self-esteem or who have social anxiety. That was me, by the way. Sometimes still is. Social anxiety as an extrovert can be a very tricky combination. But okay, let's just say your confidence has taken too many hits over the years, so you shy away or use excuses to downplay your greatness. But remember, you were born confident. There's no such thing as I have never been confident. You just don't remember.

0:04:23
And there are reasons why you may not feel confident today. And this more or less, started from birth to age seven, when your basic programming, so to speak, was set up. This is when you learned how you were supposed to behave, who you were supposed to be, and what was and wasn't accepted. From there, certain things were either reinforced or they weren't. Your brain then started to create its own idea of what your world looks like.

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This is why no two people see the world the same way. Then. It continued to look for situations to prove itself, right? Our dear old brain. But it loves being right. And so, if your environment taught you certain things about who you are within it, then your brain is looking for ways to reinforce that. That's how our comfort zone gets created. That's how we see the world, how we see other people in the world, and how we see ourselves in the world.

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And I could get into a ton of details here about limiting beliefs, the functioning of our brain, all of these things. But I'll save these for another show, as digging into this requires a lot of work, self-awareness and willingness to go where you have never gone before. Plus, that's not why you're here, right? You want those three confidence-boosting things you can use today. So for now, let's just focus on doing those.

0:05:39
But I do want to point out that you still need to heal your past by becoming aware of why you do the things you do and respond the way you respond. When you do this, you can create deeper and lasting change. What I talk about here today is about giving you a short-term confidence boost. You can, of course, repeat these methods over and over again for specific situations, but I still recommend getting to know yourself better to create long-lasting change.
0:06:10
All right, for now, we'll get to the quick and easy things you can do as a mom. Man, I do love fast options, and I use these, like, a lot. The first one is the Power Woman Pose. Psychologist Amy Cuddy discovered a simple little trick to help boost your confidence. In a matter of seconds, all you have to do is stand in a superhero stance with your feet, like, slightly more than shoulder-width apart, hands on your hips, shoulders down, and your head held straight.

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You can even tilt it or tilt your chin up slightly if you want to, to give that, you know, that real. I'm here. Power pose. When you do this, your body ends up producing more testosterone. I think it's like 20% more. And testosterone actually helps to boost confidence, and it also reduces the stress hormone called cortisol by, like, 2020 5%. And when you reduce stress, you automatically feel better. And feeling better is pretty much what confidence is all about.

0:07:12
So I think this is pretty freaking cool. How you hold yourself often dictates how you feel when you slouch down with your shoulders rolled inward, you likely feel less engaged, more tired, and more lazy. When you stand straight with your feet firmly planted and shoulders back, you likely feel more positive, confident, and more engaged. Well, to both of these examples, it's actually been proven to be the case.

0:07:38
So give the Power Pose a try the next time you're in need of a quick boost of confidence. The next thing on my list, just like how you hold your body, it's also how you hold your face. I'm saying that and I'm thinking, that sounds so strange. But what I mean is your smile. When you feel crappy, you're also less confident feeling. Research shows that when you feel like, that when you feel crappy, forcing a smile or putting a smile on your face, maybe not forcing it, but putting a smile on your face can actually shift your mood. Now, I'm not saying you should ignore your feelings. Never, ever acknowledge them and give them some space.

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But don't let the negative consume your day or drag you down once you've acknowledged your negative feeling, like, Hi, crappy feeling. Thanks for popping up and letting me know I need to check in with myself. I'm going to take five to ten deep breaths now while allowing you just to be I'm not going to judge you or judge myself for having you. I'm just going to let you be. Then I'm open to feeling differently.

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Do your breaths. Do your five to ten deep breaths and then smile. Maybe later you can investigate why you felt kind of shitty. Journal the details if you're up for it. Well, there's my journal again. A smile is contagious not only for other people but also for yourself. If you keep that smile on your face, you can also try to think of something funny, and add a little laughter to your day. But the smile is actually enough to start shifting you. Your smile will make you feel more positive, which in turn makes you feel better and more optimistic.
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Both are confidence-boosting things. Next on the list, is number three. This is something that I also talked about in the episode I did on self-care for busy moms. Everything in under five minutes or less. And it is to turn on some music. Turn on the tunes. Your favourite confidence-boosting song. You know you have one. I got a few. I'll share mine with you. Mine are Phenomenal and Lose Yourself by Eminem dance monkey by Tones and I and Confidence by Demi Lovato. I think it's Demi. I like Demi Moore. Yeah, Demi Lovato.

0:09:46
Don't ask me why. These songs, they just are it's like something when I hear them, something in me just shifts. I also like most songs that I can play air guitar to in the comfort of my own home with as much as my kids and my husband. And that's pretty much it. A little Guns N Roses or something. Some Slash action I do. This morning in my house, Sweet Child of Mine was playing from Guns N Roses. But yeah, I'm getting pumped just thinking about it. You could probably tell I'm shifting here. I'm even moving.

0:10:15
And that's what you do. You put on your confidence-boosting song and you move. You likely move to the music naturally. But even if you just start moving yourself, it's not just the music in this one, in that sense. And number three, it's about changing your state. When you feel low on the confidence meter, moving your body reenergizes you. It pumps you up, it gets your blood flowing, and it helps you think more clearly.

0:10:39
Add this song that naturally makes you feel more confident, and you're creating a recipe for awesomeness. There is nothing that can stop you. I love using this technique. Before going into an important meeting, if you're at work, pop your earbuds in, close your office door or hide in the bathroom stall and get listening and moving. You will feel so good after. Actually, you can use this for pretty much anything. This and the confidence-boosting or the power pose. Sorry, those are so quick that they shift you. The smile might take a little bit longer, a few minutes, maybe even a half an hour. Who knows? For everyone it's different.

0:11:15
But the song and the power pose, they work pretty much instantly. And you can do those anywhere, really. Anywhere. If you don't want to do it in front of other people. You can hide somewhere if you're in your car on your way to a meeting or to a family function you don't like family functions or whatever it may be, a job interview or you're going to break up with someone, something like that, whatever it might be.

0:11:37
You can do this in your car, for example, especially the music. You can get to wherever you're going a little bit early and pop in the bathroom and stand in that power pose and also pop in your earbuds. Whatever works for you. That's it, really. Three easy-to-do and quick ways to boost your confidence today. Let me know how you feel after trying these out. If you want to make long-term changes, let's have a chat.

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Again, you can connect with me on Instagram at @kylievangelder, or you can visit my website at kylievanglder.com. Please remember to share this show with other moms who are in need of more. Thank you so much for listening and have a wonderful day.